Therapy for Low Desire + Mismatched Libido

You want to want it. Or you want your partner to want it. Either way, you're in the right place.

Desire issues are one of the most common — and most quietly painful — things couples and individuals bring to sex therapy. The distance they create is real. The shame and confusion around them is real. And the good news is that they are also very often treatable.

Whether you're the partner who's lost interest, the partner who wants more, or an individual trying to understand your own erotic landscape — I can help.

I'm Jen Joseph, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist with years of experience helping individuals and couples understand, explore and reignite desire. My approach is direct, warm, non-judgmental and grounded in the latest clinical understanding of how desire actually works — which is probably different from what you think.

First: A Few Things Worth Knowing About Desire

Desire isn't a fixed drive — it's highly influenceable.

The idea of "sex drive" — some innate, fixed amount of energy you either have or don't — is outdated and, frankly, not that useful. Desire is far more dynamic than that. It can be blocked by stress, relational disconnection, performance anxiety, unaddressed sexual pain, pressure dynamics, shame, hormonal changes, and more. And it can be cultivated — under the right conditions, with the right support.

There are two types of desire — and most people only know about one.

Spontaneous desire is what most people think of when they think of "being in the mood" — the feeling that arrives out of nowhere. Responsive desire is different: it emerges in response to the right context, connection, and stimulation. Many people, particularly those who identify as lower desire, are primarily responsive rather than spontaneous. Understanding which type you are — and designing your sex life accordingly — can be genuinely life-changing.

A desire discrepancy doesn't mean your relationship is broken.

Mismatched libidos are among the most common sexual issues couples face. They don't automatically mean something is wrong with either of you, or that you're incompatible. What matters is how you navigate the gap — and whether both partners feel seen, respected, and genuinely attended to in the process.

Who I Work With

Individuals with low or no desire who want to understand what's getting in the way — whether that's stress, anxiety, sexual pain, relational dynamics, shame, hormonal shifts, or something else — and who want real support making changes.

Higher desire partners who are tired of feeling rejected, confused about what to do, and unsure how to talk about it without making things worse.

Couples navigating a desire discrepancy who are stuck in the pursuer-withdrawer cycle — where one partner's reaching gets met with the other's retreating — and want to find a new way of relating around sex.

Individuals exploring their erotic identity — who they are sexually, what they want, what turns them on — who want a knowledgeable, non-judgmental guide for that process.

What Might Be Getting in the Way

Desire can be blocked by a wide range of factors, and getting to the root cause matters. Some of the most common:

Relational dynamics — pressure, unresolved conflict, emotional distance, broken trust, or a pursuer-withdrawer pattern that's made sex feel loaded and fraught for both partners.

Performance anxiety — worry about erections, arousal, orgasm, or "doing it right" that engages the nervous system in exactly the wrong direction, making the very thing you're anxious about more likely to happen.

Sexual pain — an underaddressed and often underreported barrier to desire, particularly for vulva owners. Sex should never be painful, and pain during sex is always worth taking seriously and treating.

Not knowing what you actually want — many people have never had the chance to really explore their own erotic blueprint: what genuinely turns them on, what kind of touch they need, what psychological elements ignite their desire. Without that self-knowledge, it's very hard to have the sex life you want.

Shame, self-judgment, or sex-negative beliefs — deeply held beliefs about bodies, pleasure, desire, or sex itself that quietly undermine the ability to be present and enjoy intimacy.

Stress and nervous system dysregulation — for many people, stress is the single biggest desire-killer. When your nervous system is in fight-or-flight from current stress and/or past traumas, desire doesn't stand a chance.

Hormonal changes or medical factors — particularly relevant for peri- and menopausal women and for penis owners experiencing changes in arousal or erection. Sometimes the issue isn't psychological, and getting a medical evaluation is an important part of the picture.

What We Might Work On Together

• Understanding your desire type and what conditions actually support your arousal

• Identifying and addressing the specific blocks to your desire

• Learning how to ask for what you want — and how to hear what your partner wants

• Unwinding pressure dynamics that have made sex feel like a minefield

• Developing the self-knowledge to have a genuinely satisfying erotic life

• Repairing the relational disconnection that often accompanies desire discrepancies

• Addressing sexual pain or anxiety that's gotten in the way

• Exploring your erotic identity with honesty and curiosity

My Approach

I’m a depth-oriented AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. That means I'm not just going to listen to you describe the problem — I'm going to help you understand what's actually happening beneath the surface, in the room, between you and your partner (or within yourself), and work with it directly.

I draw on my training in sex therapy, The Somatica Method, PACT, The Developmental Model, experiential-dynamic therapies (ISTDP, AEDP + DEFT) and the work of researchers and clinicians including Martha Kauppi and Marty Klein. I'm direct, focused, and genuinely invested in your progress.

And I bring zero judgment to what you share. Whatever you're carrying — about your body, your desires, your history, your relationship — you can say it here.

For more information on my sex therapy practice, look here.

I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation to see if we're a good fit.

Schedule a Free Consultation →

You might also find these helpful: Mismatched Libidos: A Guide for the Lower Desire Partner Mismatched Libidos: A Guide for the Higher Desire Partner